Sunday, July 20, 2008

I fall asleep at blockbusters

I've past out at every single blockbuster extravaganza I've tried to see in the last five years. And I do mean, OUT. Profoundly asleep, drooling, snoring and contributing generously to the Greenhouse Effect. You name it, and I've slept through it: Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, The Matrix sequels, X-Men, etc, etc. What is wrong with me? I love comics and genre films! In all fairness, I must specify that I do not sleep through the entire film. I'm pretty much alert until the middle. But once the premise and the characters have been established and there is really nothing left to say, KA-BOOM!, the filmmakers attempt to impress us with a festival of epic visuals and droning noise, featuring the latest in VFX technology. Only trouble is, most of us already know how the movie is going to end. Thanks to my psychiatrist, I've arrived to the conclusion that I'm OK, that it is this numbing assault to my senses that induces my brain into a temporary coma, until the final credits roll to the louder beat of the conveniently placed pop hits (can you imagine the first Indiana Jones or Jaws ending to the crooning of Simple Plan or N.E.R.D.?). Please, write to your local Hollywood studio moguls and beg them to green-light FINISHED screenplays, not the ones that effectively end at mid-point. We still have a whole 45 minutes to an hour left in that dark, cozy theater. Watching Casino Royale a few times and taking notes might teach'em a few pointers. I haven't seen Transformers, but I think it may be a safe bet to say that Megan Fox is probably the best built thing in it, hence the picture.

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