BOND GIRLS BETTER IN ST-TRINIAN'S

In the late 40s, English cartoonist Ronald Searle came up with the wonderful idea of stories set in a fictional boarding school for girls named St-Trinian's. The irreverent, politically-incorrect and sometimes hilariously violent adventures of its student body of social misfits, anarchists and rejects, along with a cast of outrageous educators, have been told in books, comics and films. The latest entry in the series, of which we can expect a sequel soon, is St-Trinian's, one of the funniest and campiest sexy private school films in recent memory, featuring Rupert Everett in the dual role of Miss Camilla Fritton (the school's principal) and her brother, and the stunning Gemma Arterton. Most of us had the pleasure of discovering Gemma through her role of agent Strawberry Fields, in Bond's Quantum of Solace. In St-Trinian's, she displays a gift for comedy and scorching sex appeal as the dominatrix-looking head girl. The Bond connection continues with the brief, but stunning presence of Italian bombshell Caterina Murino (Casino Royale) as the also dominatrix-inspired Spanish teacher. The DVD, a thrill for fans of British comedy and really short skirts, can be found here.

GIA MADE JOLIE

Angelina Jolie's breakthrough (and damn hottest) role arrived in the 1998 HBO TV film Gia. Jolie received a Golden Globe award for her interpretation of Gia Marie Carangi (above, right), a woman considered by many as the first supermodel of the 80s, infamous for her drug experiments, torrid lesbian love affairs and short tragic life. Jolie took a massive bite into the role and went full out, guns blazing, giving his estranged father, Jon Voight, numerous reasons to have cardiac arrests during the 90-or-so minutes of the film. Those who love Jolie and missed this little gem are in for a sweet treat. Those who don't, stay away. The rest of the world feels sorry for you. There are still DVD copies running around.

ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS JOANNA LUMLEY

Absolutely Fabulous is an irreverent British comedy series about two self-indulgent, image-obsessed, drug-guzzling, fame-starved, chain-smoking, alcoholic and prosperous over-40 women, created by Jennifer Saunders. In a nutshell, not your standard prime-time fare, but funnier than the Pope playing bongos on a nudist beach. One has to see it to believe it, since there isn't one single show on American TV to which it may be compared. Saunders, who also plays the lead role of the utterly immature Edina Monsoon, had the wisdom to cast 70s bombshell Joanna Lumley as Patsy Stone, Edina's best friend, wing woman and constant encourager of deviant behavior. Lumley, who achieved cult figure status portraying sexy hi-kicking agent Purdey in the 70s spy-action series The New Avengers, truly shines in her role, revealing an uncanny gift for comedy and self-deprecation. Lovers of irreverent comedy cannot go another day without discovering Absolutely Fabulous. It's like loving Italian food, but never having tried pasta.

Vanity Fair's "Vanities"

Since Vanity Fair's rebirth 25 years ago, the magazine has delivered one of the most stimulating cocktails of style, politics and investigative journalism available on the printed market. In a recent issue, the mag revealed the identity of Deep Throat, the until-then secret Watergate whistle-blower, beating even Bob Woodward to his own scoop! But we digress. Vanity Fair continues to publish outstanding, sexy pictures and portraits of celebrities from all walks of fame. My dear readers will certainly appreciate the Vanities Girls feature, a showcase of impeccable retro pin-up style photos of hot young rising starlets by the magazine's top photographers. We have seen countless attempts at reproducing the vibe of those classic pin-ups, with various degrees of (mostly) failure, but the style artists at Vanity Fair are doing an impressive job. You may browse through the selected photos published here or visit the online home of Vanities to read about the subjects of the images.

Action girl Gina Carano

In a room of 1,000 people, men and women, it's probably safe to say that Gina Carano could probably pound into submission about 800 of them. A bad MMA fighter with a record of 7 wins, 0 losses at the time of writing, with 3 KOs and one submission, Gina is also known to viewers-who-don't-watch-Gossip Girl as Crush, on American Gladiators. Weighing in at 141 pounds and standing 5'8", Gina was one of the main attractions of the first Elite XC cage fighting event ever televised on CBS. She traumatized folks watching free primetime TV by destroying her opponent in a most un-girly fashion. Soon thereafter, Gina achieved the distinction of becoming the most searched-for person on Google for the month of May 2008, waaay ahead of Obama. If you didn't know, now you know. Since Gina can look deceivingly cute and sweet in pictures and a few parents reading this may now be inspired to switch their daughters from ballet to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu and Muay-thai, I've posted the clip below to showcase her grace in the octagon and the poetry of the sport:

Stars & Spandex (and leather, and PVC...)

What deep emotional need drives the world's biggest movie stars to play comic book, anime and video game characters? Is it just to put food on the table and pay the rent? Or is there something about the outfits and the buttock-booting role play? The issue is better left to the experts. For now, enjoy this little gallery of our favorite leading ladies and their corresponding alter-egos.

The Megan Fox gambit

I don't know what to make of Megan Fox, yet. The girl is as photogenic as the pyramids. She loves comic books and video games. At the time of this writing, she's only been in one feature film about giant robots that turn into stuff, with two more about to be released (Diablo Cody's Jennifer's Body and How to Lose Friends & Alienate People). In her wildly popular GQ interview (October 2008), shamelessly entitled Megan Fox was a Teenage Lesbian, she dishes out such career-building quotes as "Yeah. Fuck Disney", "Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands" and "I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita." At the wise age of 23, she seems game to keep feeding the fantasies inspired by her sacrilegious looks and, so far, much against the puritan attitudes so pervasive in Hollywood, has decided not to excommunicate her sexual nature. Fans are lighting candles in churches across the nation, praying that she proves herself a worthy actress and goes on to a long career, loaded with controversial roles. The world needs at least one truly unapologetic bad girl. In the meantime, I've posted a wallpaper gallery here and a little video from her last GQ photo shoot. Envious actresses, please, forgive me, but the clip has a really catchy tune.

Tiny grave for a giant

Allison Hayes, a Hollywood B-movie starlet of the 50s, became famous for his portrayal of the "monstrous" vixen in Attack of the 50 Foot Woman. Since roles like that have a way of type-casting stars, and that the next giant woman attack film was made decades after her death (a remake, with Darryl Hannah), Allison never went on to further glory, although she did achieve cult status. Very few people are aware that Allison fought her toughest battle off-screen. She passed away in 1977 as a result of lead blood poisoning from the consumption of a daily calcium food supplement prescribed by a doctor in 1962. In the years between 1964 and her death, Allison fought tooth-and-nails against the medical establishment to prove the cause of her poisoning and to get the substance banned. The FDA, which had always considered food supplements a "gray area", was finally moved by Allison's battle to incorporate health food issues into its 1977-78 compliance programs. For a concise bio, please, click here to read the wonderful article by Jackrandall Earles. To echo Mr. Earles, if you enjoyed Allison's films and happen to be in L.A., do drop by her tiny grave in Holy Cross Cemetery and leave a flower.

Here's the original trailer of her most memorable picture...

A word from Laetitia Casta

Mes chers amis,

You might remember me as a former Victoria Secret's and Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model. I was chosen in 1999 by the Mayors Association of France to be the model for a bust of Marianne, a symbol of the French Republic, which stands proudly in every city hall in the nation. Shortly thereafter, I took up residence in London to save a few Euros in taxes, making some of my fellow French countrymen very upset. Since, I've pretty much retired from print and I've been busy making movies (check out my imdb!). I am proud to announce that I was recently cast for a lead role in Visages (Faces), the upcoming film by Taiwanese director Ming-liang Tsai, scheduled for a 2009 release. As you probably know, Tsai won a Berlin Silver Bear in 2005 for A Wayward Cloud and a Venice Golden Lion in 1994 for Vive l’amour. Visages is set and shot in the Louvre. Unfortunately, most of my films tend to be in French and not available in North America. So, just so you don't forget me, I've posted below a saucy music video I shot a while back with my good pal Chris Isaak.

Je vous aime,

Laetitia.

Thaila Zucchi's Balls of Steel

I don't care how many hidden camera pranks you've seen, you've got to see these ones. Thaila Zucchi is a British-Italian actress and singer. She was a member of the band allSTARS and became infamous for her appearance on the U.K. version of Big Brother 8, where she portrayed a fake Australian housemate. The naughty segments of the British game show Balls of Steel have an uncomfortable and often hilarious charm. Contestants play street pranks on the unsuspecting public by pretending to be incredibly annoying characters that test the tolerance of their victims. Thaila was one of the winners thanks to her segment entitled the Bunny Boiler, in which she blatantly hits on men in front of their girlfriends.

Jessica Lange and King Kong forever

It's nice to remember how superstars got their break. Producer Dino De Laurentiis plucked an unknown Jessica Lange out of the fashion world and tossed her into his 1976 epic remake of King Kong. Director John Guillermin became mesmerized by the first-time actress and gave her one of the most ludicrous, yet shockingly attractive, screen intros in the history of film, imprinting Jessica in the libidos of males (and some females) across the planet. Her debut scene and the following sequence will leave modern viewers in absolute disbelief: Jessica (named "Dwan") is discovered by the crew of a merchant ship drifting unconscious on a raft in the middle of the ocean. Being a castaway, she's naturally wearing an extremely revealing and wet cocktail dress. Her limp body is carried by crew members to a berth, where they proceed to study her physique as if dissecting a frog. Eventually, she comes to her senses and explains, in a most Marilyn-like manner, something about having survived the sinking of a movie producer's yacht. The all-male crew provides her with some spare clothes and, in an ensuing montage, Jessica adapts to life on a cargo boat, becomes a seamstress and cuts and sews the ill-fitting garments until she creates a minuscule costume, consisting of a cut-off slinky top and cheek-revealing shorts. Guillermin's camera takes advantage of every angle, while the ship's rugged crew and co-stars struggle to stare at anything other than the obvious. From here on, we move to Skull Island, where Guillermin finds numerous opportunities to further "fetishize" our dear Jessica, including the bizarre blow job waterfall scene posted below. No director could get away with the same stunts these days, but the film did propel Jessica to fame. She made no excuses for it, took other roles and showed the world her solid acting skills. Film fans will be forever grateful for the classic production photos left behind of a painfully beautiful starlet in the hands (and fingers) of a horny giant ape. Other films have tried, but none have succeeded, although Guillermin attempted to give Tanya Roberts a similar treatment in Sheena (1984).

A nod to Valerie Leon

It was in the late hours of one summer night, while looking for boxing on TV, that I stumbled upon Blood from the Mummy's Tomb, one of those classic British horror flicks produced by Hammer in 1971. Based on the Bram Stoker novel, Jewel of the Seven Stars, this bizarre film of questionable merit, made me discover the statuesque Valerie Leon, in her role of a woman possessed by the spirit of an ancient Egyptian queen with magical powers, in present-day London (for fun movie trivia and an honest review, go here). Hammer was famous for stretching their minuscule budgets and making every effort to inject production values into their pictures. Here, some of that effort obviously went into the groovy stylings of Valerie. The woman steals every scene with her game performance and amazing outfits, each more or less revealing, reminiscent of a Robert McGinnis pin-up. Standing 5'11" and with a generous figure custom-made for B-fiction, Valerie played small roles in such 60s and 70s classics as The Spy Who Loved Me, The Avengers, Queen Kong, Space 1999, The Revenge of the Pink Panther and Never Say Never Again, her last credited major picture in 1983. She returned to the small screen with a couple of TV episodes in 2006-07. I discovered that, at age 62, she still has many fans and a charming web site, in which she expresses her wish of one day appearing again in a feature film. Why not, Valerie, why the hell not, I say?

Rosario Dawson hunts creepy creatures

Just when we though Rosario Dawson (Sin City, Grindhouse) couldn't get any cooler, she goes and gets involved in a comic book project: "After narrowly surviving an encounter with a supernatural serial killer, N.Y.P.D. officer Sophia Ortiz is drafted into Manhattan's clandestine police unit: the Occult Crimes Taskforce. Versed in the black arts and armed with mystical weaponry, the O.C.T. keeps the streets of New York safe from the unholy creatures of the night." (From 12 GAUGE COMICS). Rosario is a co-writer of the series, along with David Achison, and the lead character is modeled after her likeness, saving gifted artist Tony Shasteen the effort of having to imagine a very hot heroine. This choice infuses Sophia Ortiz with a distinct personality, a welcome idea considering how much female comic book characters tend to look alike (many comic book artists in the 70s used movie and TV stars as reference for that same reason). The O.C.T. web site is nicely put together, with abundant art samples and a store. Considering the quality of this project, I certainly wouldn't mind seeing other A-list leading ladies taking a shot at the medium. If Jenna Jameson can do it (Shadow Hunter), why not Jessica Biel, I say? Occult Crimes Taskforce Vol. 1 (TBC) is available here.

Aria Giovanni and Bill Ward make cartoons

Bill Ward, who passed away in 1998, was one of America's favorite erotic cartoonists, known for his "good girl" comics since the early 1940s. Aria Giovanni is an actress and nude model, who was Penthouse Pet for the month of September 2000 and is still very much alive today. The wonderful editors of Femme Fatales magazine had the brilliant idea of bringing together the talents of both for a 6-page spread (Volume 15, number 3, 2006). The concept turned out so cute that many mainstream magazines took notice and reprinted the images. I thought I post this in the hope that more cartoonists and editors may be inspired by the idea and bring us similar pictorials... Wait... Scratch that... I want to do that myself! Other cartoonist and editors: Forget what you just read... How the hell do I delete this posting?

Going CAMP-ing

I live in Montreal. People say it's a wonderful town, but they are consistently complaining about the weather and the winter cold. So, I decided to take a peek at international weather reports to see if things were a bit hotter elsewhere. I've posted below reports from Mexico and Hungary. You be the judge. By the way, I hear there is some kind of hit film series in Japan called Weather Woman, about the hijinks of a lusty weather girl. Little did I know there was some truth to their campy concept... (DISCLAIMER: This posting is in no way an endorsement of the film Weather Woman. I haven't seen it and I don't plan to. If it's your bag, I'm happy. Have a ball.)

MEXICO (Mayte Carranco)


HUNGARY (Gaál Noémi) (I actually enjoyed the graphics of this one)

Remembering Russia's sexiest bodyguard

Anna Loginova was known as Russia's most glamorous bodyguard. She was the founder of the Moscow-based Stilet Private Security agency, which employs women exclusively. Anna's clients included wealthy and shady individuals, and their mistresses and wives, who preferred the protection of an attractive and discreet female killer to bulky goons whose presence could be a real eye sore at fine social occasions. Sadly, Anna was killed back in January 2008 while trying to prevent the carjacking of her own Porsche Cheyenne. She was 29. I thought I should re-run the story in this place devoted to fantasy, as a reminder that some women do lead a very real life of danger, where death is daily possibility (spies, soldiers, special agents...). I tip my hat to their figurative cojones. You can read Anna's full story here.

Scarlett Johansson wants to be an Amazon

Back in November 2005, the film industry trades were buzzing with the announcement that Scarlett Johansson was set to co-produce and star in a feature film about an Amazon warrior (a la Gladiator). A famous producer was involved, writers were hired to pen the script, then, silence. Three years have gone by and it looks like the ball is rolling again, with the script in the hands of Dirk Blackman and Howard McCain, the writers of Lionsgate's upcoming Conan. Blackman wrote recently in his blog: "We seem to tackle subjects like that - we wrote a script about Amazons for Scarlett Johansson. Before they read it, everyone heard about it and thought - “Amazons… girls in skimpy outfits playing at swords. Sounds dumb.” But we played it straight and wrote something along the lines of Seven Samurai. Changed a lot of minds. In fact, Lionsgate just picked up the script and are moving forward on it aggressively." Note that this project was Scarlett's idea. I wonder if her fantasy of Amazons is similar to artist Luis Royo's (painting above)...

Jenna Jameson is a Virgin gal

Sir Richard Branson launched recently Virgin Comics, a company that brings together artists from India and North America to produce epic fantasy comics. In an odd pairing of brand names, Virgin signed up porn mogul Jenna Jameson and hooked her up with former Image writer Chritina Z. (Witchblade) and artist Mukesh Singh. This is not the first time that a clever publisher tries to "attach" a sultry starlet (even Rosario Dawson had a book) to a comic. In most attempts, the projects have been unreadable. But in the case of Virgin, the result was the surprisingly engaging and marvelously drawn Jenna Jameson's Shadow Hunter. It is said that dear Jenna is heavily involved in the plotting of the stories. Now, I don't go out of my way to buy series where empowered babes battle nasty demons, but I must confess the preview issue of this one had me at hello. Mukesh is an incredibly gifted artist and I'm looking forward to seeing more from him.

Zoë Bell and Ed Brubaker make a nice couple

Zoë Bell, stuntwoman extraordinaire and co-star of Tarantino's Death Proof, will finally star in her own show. The gig is called Angel of Death, an online series set to premiere in 2009, exclusively on Sony Pictures' Crackle.com. Zoë doubled Uma Thurman in Kill Bill and Lucy Lawless in Xena: Warrior Princess. Not coincidentally, both Kill Bill and Xena featured some of the best female fights on film and TV respectively. More exciting, however, is the fact that Angel of Death is the brain child of Ed Brubaker, one of the greatest comic book writers pounding a keyboard today. His series Criminal, Sleeper and Catwoman, to only name a few, have been heavily influenced by those old noir films and novels of the 30s, 40s and 50s, which Brubaker admires, but does not copy. One can only hope that Crackle.com, with its lower budgets and Internet distribution, will grant Brubaker and others far more creative freedom than studio feature films. This venture could herald, although at a smaller scale, the end of the 13 re-writes by 13 writers, plus notes from studio execs, lawyers and marketing gurus. That would be exciting and truly innovative. Will a successful, brilliant writer like Brubaker finally be allowed to create a story and get it made the way he intended it? Or, and this is a question for Sony, do you still believe the execs, lawyers and advertisers are the best people to craft compelling fiction?

The Long Kiss Goodnight

Mainstream critics aside, The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996) remains one of the best female action films of the 90s. It's a precursor to The Bourne Identity, in which an average suburban wife, played by Geena Davis, starts remembering erased memories of her past as a government assassin. The six-foot Geena, an Olympic-level archer and a member of Mensa in real life, delivers one of the most physical, credible action performances by an actress in a Hollywood film, well before the Hong Kong rip-off craze. And I really don't care what people say about her ex-husband director Renny Harlin's talent, she's also fun to watch in Cutthroat Island (1995), the box-office flop that scared studios off pirate films for a decade. After all, everyone knew pirate films couldn't make any money.